FitzLikeAGlove

I’m not really sure why a 3rd grade teacher would have their class do a free write on pocket knives…but mine did. Here it is…

Nov. 6, 1995

My Pocket Knife

I don’t have a pocket knife and I don’t want one. I don’t think I need one either. For someone who would like to get one I would think the right age would be either at the age of eleven or twelve.

Here are some safety tips:

1. Keep it in a safe place

2. Never leave it open 

3. Never run when it’s open

4. Never point it at anyone

THE END

I’m really glad I had the clarity and sense of self at age 9 to know I didn’t want or need a pocket knife. Wise beyond my years with a firm grasp on safety rules. I’ll be sure to give my 11 year old the pocket knife they deserve.

Caitlin Fitzgibbons Oct. 24, 1995

Want Ad

Wanted: Clown

Needs to have and do the following things-

1.Needs to have big purple shoes.

2. Flexible hours are 1:00pm, 6:00pm, 2:00 pm, 7:00pm, 3:00pm, 8:00pm

3. Needs to have a good sence of umer.

4.Needs to have good aim.

5.Has to like children.

6. Needs to be very short or very tall.

7.Has to have had a job before.

Salary $1000 bucks per show.

For the job call me at: 765-8923

HMMM I mean…I think this is still a pretty valid ad. I guess I even knew back then I’d go into advertising. Pretty enticing stuff right there. It’s still hard to find a good clown these days. Hardly any of them have good aim.

So here is one example of the many incredible works I created as a third grader…

Sept. 5, 1995

A Fishy Tale

One day I was swimming in a gully.

I heard my sister say there’s a fish.

So I swam over and caught the fish with my bare hands.

It was so big it pulled me to Europe.

Well that was all I wrote. Even I knew back then about the fish that pull you to Europe. 

thedailywhat:

2009 MTV VMAs: My thoughts exactly.

[via.]

Lady Gaga…you crazy!

So while in Shovelhead, as alot of people could tell you, I used to try to write Crocs into every sketch I wrote. I actually hate Crocs, but I thought it would be hilarious to have a pair of them decked out in Jibbets (the little things you put in the holes) that I didnt have to buy myself but could expense as a costume for comedic purposes. However no one ever wanted to put in these sketches. That’s fine guys. Your loss. 

Tonite I was just sitting in my suburbs house, flipping through an issue of the retired Dominoe magazine for decorating ideas for my new APT when I come across an Ad for the Croc heel. The model is actually called the cyprus. Obviously as you can tell they are totally hideous.

Here’s the catchy description:

The first high heel from Crocs, this classy slip-on shoe fuses comfort with style. Crocs™ Cyprus gives you a dress shoe choice that includes both a 3 inch heel and classic Crocs™ comfort. Made of croslite™ material just like original Crocs™, these dressy ladies’ heels feature a footbed that conforms to your foot for a custom fit. The circulation nubs stimulate blood flow. The whole design offers nothing but comfort.

These women’s heels are lightweight and easy to pack. Order your Crocs™ Cyprus today and never sacrifice comfort for style again.

I’m not really sure where one would wear these. The Croc’s website assures the customer that these are “not your mother’s heels” I mean…thanks Crocs…I know these aren’t my mothers heels she wouldn’t be caught dead in them.  I just want to know whose heels they are so I can hunt them down and ask them what so compelled them to make such a bold fashion choice.

Uh oh. Twister the Bed Game. This just looks too much fun.

I can believe that Ryan Seacrest is going to be even more wealthy than he already is…but what I can’t believe is that we are going to have American Idol until 2012.